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By: Alisa Chagnon

When we are in an established relationship, we quite normally have expectations of our partner. We expect the person whom we love to show concern for our emotional and physical wellbeing, be respectful, kind, and give us a general feeling of safety and protection from life's stressors. What do we do when the other person in the relationship is failing to meet our needs?

There is a two-step process for this situation to occur in the first place. The first being that we must ask ourselves if we entered into the relationship in which our partner did not demonstrate a large amount of these qualities to begin with. When falling in love, we sometimes only see the pleasing elements of a person's personality and overlook the seemingly potentially disturbing aspects. Once the relationship has been established, as time goes on, this can lead to an inevitable realization that our partner in the relationship is not all that we desired. Disappointed and saddened that we feel we are not receiving the love we deserve, a person can quickly become frustrated, confused, and/or depressed.

The second way in which a person can begin to make us wonder if they truly care about us, is the situation in which their feelings toward us have apparently changed. In this case, our significant other did in fact display quality personality elements, provided us with the emotional support and gave us a feeling of love and safety in the relationship, and then they withdrew.

There are significant amounts of ways in which we may feel that our partner may be failing us. A sudden decrease in phone calls, a lack of questions and concerns regarding our personal life, spaces of time that are unaccounted for as we attempt to contact them to no avail, and being unfaithful are a few. Regardless of what actions they are doing, if we feel that they are not in love with us as previously thought, it can cause confusion and frustration. Understanding the situation for what it is can then lead to finding a solution to help us cope

There are many reasons why our partner may be displaying a lack of love, respect and kindness. A person may have reached a point in their life in which they question themselves and their ability to be in a serious relationship. They wish to distance themselves, as they feel they need freedom to consider their options. They may simply have decided that the relationship is not what they desire. A person may choose to exit the relationship slowly, because they do not possess the ability tell us pointblank.

When this happens, it is a natural instinct to question the other person in the relationship, try to learn why they are causing us to feel rejected and attempt to correct the problem. While counseling may work for specific relationship problems, this will only have a possibility of effectiveness if both partners wish to remain in the relationship. A large amount of patience and dedication is required to repair a relationship in this way.

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