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By: Susie Collins

If your partner has had an affair, you might be reeling in the aftereffects of this radical turn in your relationship. It could be that despite your anger, sadness or other emotions, you are not ready to walk away and leave the relationship.

At the same time, you might be wondering if your cheating mate deserves a second chance and if you'd be foolish to offer him or her one.

There's no doubt about it, infidelity crushes not only hearts, but also relationship trust. After an affair, you might start to question just about everything your partner says and does.

We can understand how you feel. But if you decide to give your partner-- and your relationship-- a second chance, it is vital that you take an active role in helping to rebuild trust.

Most people are familiar with NFL (National Football League) quarterback Michael Vick's arrest and imprisonment in 2007 for participating in a dog fighting ring. Fans and the public in general were shocked and outraged about Vick's actions.

Now that Vick has served his time and been released, the NFL team the Philadelphia Eagles have signed him as their quarterback. This decision has been met with much debate and heated discussion on both sides.

Some say that Vick has been punished for his crimes and that he deserves a second chance. Others cannot understand why the Eagles have put Vick back in the spotlight and offered him a hefty salary as well.

We're not here to argue one way or the other about Vick's reinstatement as an NFL quarterback. We do want to highlight the similarities between the way that Vick has been given a second chance and the way that you could choose to approach rebuilding trust and your relationship after an affair.

Again, this is not about dog fighting, Michael Vick or the NFL.

This is about you taking a risk as you offer your partner a second chance after infidelity. We want you to take that risk with awareness and clarity and to be successful in healing and finding the happiness you desire.

Agreements and Expectations.
The Philadelphia Eagles did not reinstate Vick with complete disregard to his past. They have set up a clearly defined set of expectations and agreements that he must meet in order to continue to be quarterback for them.

Some of the stipulations include regularly meeting with a well-respected mentor and adviser who will then report to the Eagles' management and the NFL. The Commissioner of the NFL will periodically review assessments given by Vick's parole officer and mentor to decide if he is satisfying agreements and can keep his job.

If you choose to stay in your relationship and rebuild trust, you could come up with a clear set of agreements and expectations that you and your partner both consent to.

The key here is that the behaviors or actions to be taken are understood by you and your partner. It is not fair and will not be effective if there is confusion about what you are agreeing to.

It might help for you to write down these agreements and expectations and that you both make a statement of commitment to them.

Follow through.
We want you to also cultivate an expectation that you and your partner will be successful in rebuilding trust in your relationship. When an agreement is kept, be sure to notice and acknowledge that. Celebrate those moments of connection and closeness that emerge through this process.

It is vital that you and your mate follow through on your agreements. Just as Vick will be periodically assessed to see if he is following through, you and your mate need to do the same.

Be clear about what the consequences will be if particular agreements are violated. Do not set up consequences that you are unwilling to carry out if it comes to that.

Take it day by day.
Ultimately, trust is rebuilt moment by moment, day by day. It is usually a series of actions and examples of following through on agreements that allow a couple to fully heal after an affair rather than one action or statement of words.

Check in with yourself and your partner frequently to see if the agreements and expectations need to be altered as time passes. Your situation may change and a new or additional agreements may be required.

To extend trust is a veritable leap of faith. You can never be 100% certain that you are hearing the truth or that your partner is acting with integrity. But you can take those leaps with a sense of what's reasonable and from a conscious and aware place.