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Learn to be a Fabulous Flirt
By: Michelle Casto
[b]Levels of Flirting
Level 1: The Ice Breaker (Article Continues Below)
Level 3: The Invitation Level one flirting should be kept light and playful, as you are just trying to "break the ice" and perhaps talk with the person. If you come on too strong initially, you may take it too far and turn the person off. Men are notorious for this kind of behavior and often never get to level 2 because they come off as offensive, obnoxoius and rude. Breaking the ice can be accomplished either verbally or nonverbally. For example, saying something like, do you know which train goes into downtown might get a conversation started. Sometimes a simple smile or wave can do the trick. By the way, women make the mistake of leaving level one flirting to the man and therefore miss out on excellent opportunities. Level two flirting comes about after you have "made contact," which is accomplished after the other person has acknowledged your existence. At this point in the encounter, you might want to introduce yourself and perhaps start up a conversation. Level two flirting consists of light conversation. Non verbal expressions of "like," such as smiling, looking at someone intently, or a subtle touch is also common. Flattery can be a very effective flirting tool, if communicated in an honest and sincere way. Men and women alike may compliment the person on what he or she is wearing, the job they did at work, or their choice of decor. If you choose to use flattery, just be sure your compliment is sincere, as people can tell when you are just saying things you think we want to hear! (Article Continues Below)
Level three flirting occurs after both people are clearly enjoying each other's company. This is when one or the other participants invites the other to do something. The invitation could be overt or subvert. Some prefer the direct approach such as asking:"Do you want to go out for a drink?" Some may prefer the indirect approach such as reaching out to hold the other person's hand. Clearly, at each stage, intimacy grows. From level one where no intimacy exists to level three where the two people are really getting to know each other. on a deeper level. Gender differences in flirting Men and women differ in their styles of flirtation. Women often flirt by smiling a lot, using the fixed glance, the hair flip, head toss, the lip suck, and the whisper in the ear technique. Some of their flirting props: include books, unique jewelry, a sketchbook, a writing pad, tattoos, or hats. Men will flirt by using the tie stroke, eyebrow raise, the winning smile, and the arm guide. Some common flirting props: are books, a child or animal, interesting accessories such as suspenders or a unique tie. (Apapted from Flirting 101) Communication Tips: - Ask open ended questions - Never try to out do the other person's story - Zero in on areas of common interest - Don't interrupt - Ask for their opinions (but don't argue if and when they offend you) - Refer back to past conversations - Be willing to reveal yourself to others - Use his or her name often during the coversation - Don't start off every sentence with "I" - Listen more than you speak Ethical flirting Flirting is a healthy and normal part of the singles scene. Flirting can allow you to take advantage of a chance encounter and add variety and fun to your life. Flirting allows you to open up and connect with others. But it can be a questionable practice if it offends or hurts someone in the process. Now that you know how to flirt, it is time to learn the difference between ethical and unethical flirting. Ethical flirting occurs between people who are available to make each other's acquaintance. It also carries with it the expectation the encounter could lead to something more intimate. Unethical flirting happens when someone who is clearly taken flirts with someone else, or vice versa. People who are going steady, engaged, or married have no business sending their kavorka to other people, instead, they should be saving it for their significant other. Since the element of challenge is the motivating factor for many flirts, watch out for those unethical people who try to gain your attention or evern try to steal your love, all forthe purpose of building up heir ego. These people are insecure, unethical and give flirting a bad reputation. As a fabulous flirter, you should point out their inappropriate behavior to them. As you can see, flirting is communication. Miscommunication is very common, especially in interpersonal relationships, because you never know how the other person is interpreting your intentions. When flirting, be sure you communicate honestly and directly. The simple rule of not starting something that you aren't ready and willing to finish, will save you from ethical dilemmas. If you are not sure whether what you saying or doing seems ethical, stop and ask yourself these two simple questions: Is there any possibility someone may feel uncomfortable with this? Is this something I would say or do in front of friends or family? If the answer is yes, then enjoy being the fabulous flirter that you have become!
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