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Greater than Gold: The Real Value of Mid-Life Female Friendships and Witnessing
By: Jennifer Wright
Living in our modern culture of speed and increasing social isolation, many mid-life women confide regretfully that they have left friendships by the wayside. They have memories of their own mothers at mid-life, gathering over cups of coffee (and sometimes a cigarette) to discuss their children, husbands, and their transition through menopause. However, today's world encourages productivity over fostering human relationships.
What are we losing as we continue down this path of isolation? How can we create powerful female relationships that have integration into our world? (Article Continues Below)
The value of woman-to-woman relationships. Abigail Trafford says in My Time, "Your future [as a woman] depends on a friendship network." The popular term is "social capital." Trafford goes on to say: "Not having a close friend can be hazardous to your health. Study after study shows that people who are socially isolated are more likely to die 'prematurely.' The relationship between isolation and risk of death is so strong that it stands out whether or not you smoke, drink too much alcohol, eat a lousy diet, or lead a sedentary life." (Article Continues Below)
Consider how much energy goes into our exercise and diet regimens, and yet this would suggest that our relationships are even more crucial to our overall health and well-being. I remember my grandmother telling me before she died that her family doctor had said to her, "Good friends are far more valuable than any health insurance policy, especially as a woman grows older." Perhaps it is time to reconsider our priorities. We women talk to each other, confide, whine, wail, plan, and just plain kibitz, and stress subsides once we feel heard and understood." Lillian Rubins says in Just Friends: "it is friends who provide a reference outside the family against which to measure and judge ourselves, who help us during passages that require our separation and individualism; who support us as we adapt to new roles and new rules; who heal the hurts and make good the deficits of other relationships in our lives." At mid-life many women are dancing with the vision of becoming our true selves, and woman-to-woman relationships can form a foundation of physical, emotional, and spiritual health in our lives. Women's witnessing. What is witnessing? My first exposure to the term was in a Christian context. One would stand up on a Sunday morning at church and witness to the Holy Spirit's presence, healing, and other precious gifts in one's life. In other words, telling the story, and being affirmed by people who know and understand you, is what witnessing is about. The power of witnessing. In March 2005, I beheld the most powerful experiences of witnessing in my life when I spent seven days with eight mid-life women, backpacking on the South Island of New Zealand. These women came from different professional backgrounds, cultures, lifestyles, and even countries. We were all bound by the code of confidentiality from the beginning, which created a safe and sacred place for us.
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